Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Definitions of a Family

“If the family were a container, it would be a nest, an enduring nest, loosely woven, expansive, and open. If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable—each segment distinct. If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress unless everyone paddles. If the family were a sport, it would be baseball: a long, slow, nonviolent game that is never over until the last out. If the family were a building, it would be an old but solid structure that contains human history, and appeals to those who see the carved moldings under all the plaster, the wide plank floors under the linoleum, the possibilities."
                                                                          -Letty Cottin Pogrebin


A Family Is Like
© Nicole M. O'Neil
“A Family is like a circle
the connection never ends
and even if at times it breaks
in time it always mends
a family is like the stars
somehow there always there
families are those who help
who support and always care
A Family is like a book
the endings never clear
but through the pages of the book
their love is always near
A family is many things
with endless words that show
who they are and what they do
and how they teach you so you know
but don’t be weary if it's broken
or if through time its been so worn
families are like that-
they're split up and always torn
but even if this happens
your family will always be
they help define just who you are
and will be a part of you eternally”
           Both of these quotes were chosen to portray the idea of family because the best way to describe family is to relate and symbolize the meaning behind everything. For example, the first definition portrays the structure of the family and elaborating on the ideas of teamwork and how every person is an individual, but all together unity is created in a family. In the second definition the poem expands on the idea of love in a family and how no matter what happens in a family they are going to be the ones who will always be there. I thought both of these definitions depicted the central idea that a family is a close knit inter-circle weaved and patched with love through the good and the bad times.  

                                                                      Works Cited

O’Neil, Nicole. “A Family Is Like a Circle.” Family Friend Poems. n.p., n.d. web. 11, January 2014.
Pogrebin, Letty. “A Quote by Letty Cottin Pogrebin on family, nest, fruit, boat, possibilities, sport, game, human history, building, baseball, canoe, and orange.” Gaiam Life. Gaiam Inc, n.d. web. 11, Jan. 2014.

Personal Cultural Artifact


 The personal cultural artifact I chose was the book my grandma Bonnie Brown made for all of her grandchildren. This book depicts the life of my grandpa Niel Brown. My grandpa died in 1981 which meant that none of my grandma's grandchildren had the opportunity to meet their Grandpa Niel. So she made this book and it starts from the very beginning. He was born in Nevada and was very involved in school. He even ran track. There are countless pictures that show the passion he had for life and the love he had for his family as well as being a pilot. The death of my grandpa isn't really discussed in my family so I never really knew much about it until my grandma made this book. He died in November in the year of 1981. It was Thanksgiving morning and my grandpa and my uncle Michael decided they wanted to go flying because it was a clear day and the weather was perfect. The flight overall was said to be glorious, however, there was a malfunction in the engine of the plane and they crashed into Lake Young (located in Washington). The autopsy report later announced that my grandpa suffered from a head injury which caused his death form excessive bleeding. My uncle, however, was knocked unconscious and later drowned from fresh water. Overall this book portrays the incredible life that my grandpa lived and helps all my grandma's grandchildren better understand who their grandpa was and what kind of life he lived.

Favorite Family Recipe

Your Name Informant: Bonnie Brown, Kent Washington, 1964
Title: Flauden German Coffee Cake
Genre: Family Recipe
Informant (who):
Bonnie Brown is my Grandma who lived in Washington for a majority of her life, but after the death of my grandpa moved to Lindon, Utah. My grandma is 67 and female and received a high school education in the state of California where she grew up. Following graduation she married my grandpa who at the time was a pilot for United Airlines. My grandma’s side of the family mainly consists of German and English descent. As for religious ties all of my grandma’s family for generations have been affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My grandma was a stay at home mom for thirty years and then invested her time and efforts into real state by buying and flipping houses, she also worked for a bed and breakfast inn which was located in Anacortes, Washington. Bonnie has always been a busy bee whether it is sending out family news letters to update everyone or crocheting endless blankets for every member of our extended family, but one thing that strikes me most about my grandma is her cooking and her desire to please others.    
Context (where):
This recipe was given to my grandma from her grandma which was then passed onward to me. My grandma Bonnie first received this recipe in order to bake this cake for my aunt Sharlene’s first birthday and from then on it has always been a tradition to have the German coffee cake as the birthday cake. This cake has always been a part of birthdays in my family and continues to be every year. My family as well as extended family have always used this recipe for birthdays so in this manner it has been a tradition that with stands the test of time and brings everyone together.
Text (the Cultural Artifact itself – the item):
This recipe was handed down to my grandma from her grandma who passed it down to my mother which eventually cycled to me. This recipe is rather famous in our family because of our German heritage. My family would encourage foods that came from our native land. This cake recipe in particular has always been a cake served at birthdays as well as other special events. For the most part this cake recipe brings up past memories of laughter and family bonding. It is symbolic in the manner that it has always been there since before I could remember. One thing that can be relied upon is that any member of my family will have a German Coffee Cake as their birthday cake.
Texture (how):
 This recipe was hand written by my grandma Bonnie. The authenticity of her writing is truly genuine she takes extra time with her writing and always has. There is also a stain on the card which the recipe was written which shows that the recipe has been used quite often throughout the years.
 Meaning:
This recipe means a great deal to me because for eighteen years of my life I have has a moist German Coffee Cake to celebrate another year of being me. It is a great tradition that continues on and I absolutely adore it. The cake is one that just melts in the mouths of many and I wouldn’t ask for a better recipe. I enjoy this recipe so much because not only does the cake taste delicious, but also the memories that come flooding back when I think about the cake. The endless birthdays and parties would have never been the same without this cake. This artifact is a staple in the households of all the members of my family and everyone feels genuinely grateful to have the recipe. Without this recipe not only would their taste buds be deprived of my great-great grandma’s German cake recipe, but also it would seem as though there would be something missing. 

Family Tradition

Your Name Informant: Marsh and Dave Soria, St. Augustine Florida, 1982
Title: Florida Summer Vacation
Genre: Tradition
Informant (who): My grandma, Marsha, and my grandpa, Dave. Both of my grandparents live in Littleton, Colorado and are currently retired. Marsha is 67 and Dave is 70. Marsha use to work as a secretary at Arapahoe High School. Dave has been a mechanic for many, many decades. Marsha comes from a Swedish, English, and Irish background whereas my grandpa comes from a Mexican heritage. My grandma received her associate’s degree and my grandpa has his high school diploma. Both of my grandparents are die hard Denver Bronco fans and they consistently attend every game. As for hobbies they enjoy cooking together, vacationing, spoiling their grandchildren, and reading for book clubs.  
Context (where): This information or tradition wasn’t necessarily collected, but more so it was just a passed down experience. This tradition started with my dad’s family and now it is done in my family. So the tradition of going to Florida started with my grandparents taking my dad and his brother. Now this vacation is done with not only my grandparents and my dad, but also my mom and the rest of my siblings. This tradition has always been an experience that everyone in my family looks forward to because we have become familiar with the experience so we know that we will always have a marvelous time. The sheer fact that we get to spend over a week and a half just as a family is something my parents really cherish because we are such a busy family that sometime this vacation is exactly what we need in order to become a closer family unit.

Text (the Cultural Artifact itself – the item): The tradition of traveling to St. Augustine, Florida to my grandparents’ time share every other summer began in 1982. My grandparents would take my dad, who at the time was ten years old, and my uncle Roman down to Florida to enjoy the beach and go to Disney World. This tradition started in the summer of 1982 and continued on throughout the years. Now every other summer my grandparents, parents, and my siblings all go down for about a week and a half to the tropical state of Florida. This tradition has created so many remarkable memories. For example, on one occasion my dad came into contact with one of his old college roommates who actually races sailboats for a living and we were able to ride on one which was such an experience. This roommate was also married to a surf instructor. This detail made the trip ten times better because not only did we sail the great waters of the Atlantic Ocean, but I was able to catch my first wave surfing. Other examples would include touring the old lighthouses in Florida or the crazy food that was tasted (alligator actually isn’t as bad as I thought it would be). This tradition of traveling to Florida not only provided great memories, but aloud my family to become closer and bond with exciting experiences.  
Texture (how): Florida has become somewhat of a symbol to my family of adventurous memories and endless laughter. Ever since I was little I would always look forward to going to Florida so that way I could lay on the grainy sand basking in the warm rays of the sun or collecting as many shells as I could on the beach. The month of July is usually when my family makes the excruciating flight to Florida, but once we land the moist air fills our lungs and we all know that it is time to start our adventure. Florida is a place of relaxation and almost sanction for my family to get away from the outside world and just enjoy our family.

Meaning: This tradition is one that I always look forward to because I know that my family will become closer and we always have an incredible time. This event brings joy to my heart because we make the greatest memories. For example, one time we were sailing and we got caught in a huge lighting storm and at one point the lightning struck right next to the boat which caused my mom to go into her protective mode. Honestly in that moment in time I have never felt more protected than in the arms of my mom when that storm was going on. My family also looks forward to the time that we are able to travel to Florida. The members of my family all have positive views because they know that as long as we are together there are going to be memorable experiences.

Informal Family Photo


Informant: Shauna and Kevin Soria, Eagle Idaho, May 25, 2013
Title: A Little Bit of Family Time/ Family Loving
Genre: Photo
Informant (who):
Kevin and Shauna Soria would be my parents who live in Eagle, Idaho. They are both 41 and attended Utah State University. My mom received her associate's degree in nursing. My dad however transferred to the University of Nevada Reno and earned his master's degree in business. My mom use to work as an orthopedic nurse, but with my ever so busy younger siblings she decided she was done working and wanted to be a mom. My dad on the other hand is very busy as the state sales coordinator of AFLAC in the state of Idaho. My parents absolutely love to travel and just spend time as a family whether it's going on spontaneous trips or playing board games. My dad's main hobbies consist of supporting his one and only Denver broncos and he also golfs on the regular basis. My mom is always in the kitchen making something incredibly delicious or she is working out. Overall my parents are great role models and love our family with every fiber of their being.

Context (where):
This photo was actually taken across the street in a forest section of our neighborhood. So the first image consists of all the members of my family. So, my younger brother David, my younger sister Alyssa, myself, my older brother Nathan, and then my mom and dad, Shauna and Kevin. This photograph is actually a huge portrait in my parent's house that is displayed over the fireplace and every time we are together as a family in the front room we see this picture. The second picture is a picture taken after my high school graduation. In the picture are my younger brother and sister, David and Alyssa, and then myself. This picture is definitely not displayed in my parent's home, rather it is an essential memory that describes that moment to perfection. To most people that end up seeing this photo it usually brings a smile or a small chuckle because everyone is striving for the perfect graduation picture and that definitely didn't happen.

Text (the Cultural Artifact itself-the item):
So the first photo consists of all the members of my family. One day my mom decided that we better have a photo of the whole family before my older brother left on his mission to Winnipeg, Canada. Anyway, we took some rather formal ones where everyone was posed, but then my little brother decided he was done with that. So he started to laugh uncontrollably which made everyone else laugh. The picture may seem kind of posed in some way or the other, but it really wasn't. The image that we are laughing is something that portrays my family rather well. In my home jokes are basically free game and we are all super competitive. Overall the photo illustrates my family to the point.
The second photo was a photo taken after my high school graduation. I was rather tired of taking photos and my siblings weren't in the mood either so when my dad snapped the photo he told everyone to smile. So, I put on a tired almost fake smile to just get the picture over with. Spontaneously my brother (who is such an independent, confident, and somewhat cocky little boy) decided to smile like a super model while my little sister sneezed like an elephant. It was one for the books and portrays that moment in time like no other picture.
Texture (how):
The first picture gives off the feeling of love and joy because of the smiles that are engrossed across our faces. With my mom's flared nostrils and my mouth wide open it is a picture that doesn't bring out our most flattering features, but it does symbolize the fun and crazy experiences we go through as a family. The second picture is just plain hilarious because my dad seriously wanted a nice, formal picture of my siblings and I and he definitely didn't get that. In fact, this picture is one that will always make me laugh especially because of my younger siblings and their personalities that shine through.

Meaning:
These photos symbolize the love that I have for my family because of the emotions that are expressed in each one. The first one more so then the second, but the second just goes to show that not everyone can be photogenic 24/7. These photos are history to our family so they are rather important I mean for goodness sakes one of the photos is hanging in our home. My family takes pride and joy in the first photo and is basically disgraced in the second. The first photo enhances the idea that families have fun together whereas the second is just embarrassing.

Favorite Family Story

Your Name Informant: Bonnie Mae Brown, San Juan Islands Washington, 1979
Title: The Attack of the San Juan Whales
Genre: Story
Informant (who):
The informant is my grandma Bonnie Mae Brown. My grandma was raised in Corona, California. She has been a member of the LDS church her whole life and served a full time mission in Australia. My grandma married Niel Brown when she was 18 years old and they moved to Kent, Washington where they started their new life. On an academic level my grandma attended a few college courses, but never graduated with a degree. So she has her high school diploma, but that is about it. My grandma was adopted so most of her ethnic heritage is unknown. My grandma is 70 years old and has four children as well as seventeen grandchildren. My grandma is retired, but serves as a tour guide at the Conference Center in Salt Lake City on Monday evenings. She enjoys the presence of family in her life and will bake or cook anything to your heart’s desire.
Context (where):
Throughout my life my grandma has told me various stories, but of all the stories she has revealed this one has been my all-time favorite. It took place in the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington. My grandparents were present for this extraordinary experience. The observers that witnessed this encounter were enlightened and blown back by the rare experience that they had. In some way, shape, or form they demonstrated courage and calmness.
Text (the Cultural Artifact itself – the item):
It was like any other day, my grandma and her family decided they wanted to take their boat out and so they decided to go up to the San Juan Islands. It was about mid-day when they final pushed off from the dock and made their way on the water. As they voyaged from island to island they noticed a group of killer whales off in the distance and didn’t think anything of it. So they continued on. But out of nowhere my grandpa felt the boat rock slightly off the usually course and became rather alarmed. He shut off the engine to see what was in the water. In seconds a pod of orcas surrounded the boat. This alarmed both my grandparents because they had never encountered a situation such as this. They continued to sit on the water swaying closer and closer to the nearest island with each passing wave. Without further hesitation my grandparents knelt in prayer that they might be safe and that no harm would come to them. Immediately after they finished their prayer the pod vanished. My grandpa started the engine back up and they continued on their way, but for a split second they saw their lives flash before their eyes.
Texture (how):
This story explains the experience that my grandparents had in the San Juan Islands. Though the orca is common to this area they didn’t put into perspective that they might encounter a pod of them. The reaction of my grandparent was honorable to say the least and with swift action the orcas dispersed. The story itself always fascinated me every time my grandma would tell the story because it isn’t every day that a little girl hears a story about killer whales and how my grandparents survived to tell the tale. Reflecting on the story I do not doubt that the words which my grandma told me on that hot summer day to be false. In fact, it is a story that my mom would tell me whenever I go boating no matter where it is at. She would commonly say “watch out for whales you never know when they might surface.” It almost became somewhat of a joke in my family, but overall it is incredible story that my grandma continues to tell.  
Meaning:
This story demonstrates the courage that my grandparents had and how calm they reacted to such a frightening situation.  I feel incredibly proud to claim them as my grandparents because my grandma is definitely one of my heroes and also one of the most influential person in my life. This story is one that is continually told in my family and claimed as the time Grandma and Grandpa survived the orca attack even though they were never attacked. My family finds it to be humorous on the surface and that is why jokes are made about it, but honestly everyone looks up to my grandparents and the actions they made in the situation.


4-Generation Chart

Family Tree Analysis
It was rather interesting going back and looking at my genealogy because there are some funny things that happened throughout history just observing the chart that I created. For example, I didn’t realize my grandma Bonnie married her cousin because their mothers were sisters. So I decided to talk to her about it because it was so strange to think that there was incest in the family. After talking with her, she informed me that she did marry her cousin, but it was justified because my grandma was adopted. The adoption of my grandma Bonnie into her family also played a huge part into my mom’s adoption. Bonnie Brown had felt the love expressed from Mae and Harry Jackstien and decided she was going to adopt a few children as well.
Another observation that I made was the fact that past first names became very common middle names. For example, on my dad’s side of the family my grandma Marsha’s mom’s name was Marie and now my middle name is Marie. My dad’s grandpa was named Blas Soria and my dad’s middle name is Blas. Also my grandma Bonnie’s middle name was Mae which is the name of her mother. Anyway I thought it was rather interesting how previous names showed up quite often from generation to generation.

When it comes to living in certain areas the immigration process began with my great-great grandparents. On my mom’s side the Jackstein’s came from Prussia and Germany, the Brown’s came from Germany, and the Gudmundson’s came from Denmark. It was really interesting because either way all of these individuals ended up crossing the plains to reach the Salt Lake Valley and most of my relatives stayed the in the general area. Looking at various family history sites there were a few memories or stories that were expressed by my great-grandma Jackstien and she basically elaborated on all of her siblings. In some ways I feel as if the characteristics have trickled down from generation to generation. She had a sister by the name of Irene who was incredibly outgoing, funny, and positive. She was a professional chocolate dipper and how my great-grandma always remembered that her sister always smelt of delicious chocolate. My great-grandma further expands on the topic of education and how most of her siblings didn’t graduate from high school. In fact, many found jobs at local banks at such by the time they were in the 10th grade so they would drop out. She also talked about her older brother Arthur. You can really tell by her description that he was a role model to her. Her brother served in the First World War He went to officer’s training school and became a Major. He also served in the Second World War and saw the worst of the war in England. Now on my dad’s side the Carothers came from England and the Soria’s came from Spain and Mexico. The Soria’s somewhat spread out and they range from Kansas, Nebraska, Illinois, and Colorado. Overall it was rather interesting to discover so many new facts and details I didn’t realize about my family.

Homemade Gift

CULTURAL ARTIFACT – Written Descriptions
Nichole Schollars
Informant: Bonnie Brown, Utah, 1995
Title: Endless Afghans
Genre: Homemade Gift
Informant (who):
Bonnie Brown is my grandma and she grew up in California as a child. When she was married she moved to Washington. After the death of her husband she settled down in Hide Park, Utah. My grandma comes from a long line of German and Dutch heritage. One of the items or hobbies that my grandma is most known for is her baking and her skill with a crochet hook.
Context (where):
My grandma Bonnie hand stitches large afghans with her crochet hook for all of the members of our family along with anyone who is married into the family. My afghan that she made me is navy blue and usually lays folded at the end of my bed. The blankets display the skills that my grandma has along with the love that she has for us with each blanket. My grandma is a great role model to all of her grandchildren and she expresses her love in so many ways, but with each blanket she spends countless hours making each stitch perfect.
Text (the Cultural Artifact itself – the item):
The idea of gifting crocheted blankets start back at the birth of my aunt. These blankets have been crocheted every time by my grandma and that is the best part because she asks exactly what you want and then makes them. For example, since my grandma new that I would be going to college she made me another blanket that was navy blue. Overall these blankets mean something special to every member in my family because my grandma spends countless hours perfecting each blanket.
Texture (how):
Every blanket is unique to the person receiving the blanket because the color(s) and pattern are chosen by the individual. My grandma spends the countless hours and then usually attaches a heartfelt message to the blanket for the person. So depending on the individual, my grandma will make around three afghans for each person. One baby afghan, another afghan for college, and then another afghan when someone in our family gets married. Overall it is a gesture that is meaningful beyond belief.
Meaning:
My blanket is a symbolism of love. It is something that can’t be described in many ways because my grandma’s love is expressed in so many ways and the blankets allow for a more tangible emotion. Every member in my family that receives a blanket is usually overwhelmed with gratitude and loves them. It is a great gift that touches the people in my family like nothing else.



Analysis Paper

Cultural Artifact Analysis
A family is the backbone to life. The support to your actions, the wheels to your car, and even the jam to your toast. Over the course of searching and developing a deeper understanding of my family and how we came to be the people we are today, I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. Whether it was the Gudmundsons’ who immigrated from Denmark or the Sorias’ from Spain they all have stories and choices they made that influenced the actions of others in future generations that came after them.
            The idea of family is a group of people that are linked by an invisible chain of love, respect, equality, understanding, and forgiveness. At times this link ripples through hard times and trials, but is mended through compassion and help from the other members. Family is not only a central system of people, but in fact a support group that loves you even when you do make mistakes. The people who pick you back up even at your lowest points. Although some families may not be the traditional cookie cutter type, I know mine especially isn’t. There were some divorces along the way, adoptions, and some incest in a roundabout way. For example, in the family tree chart it is thoroughly displayed that my grandma Bonnie married her cousin which blew me back by surprise. Although I did further find out that she was adopted which clarified some minor details up. This adoption also played an important part into the adoption of my mother as well which was an interesting factor. Overall no matter what a family is made up of whether it is people that are blood related or not. It is the people in your life that help you become a better you.
            The major thing that I came to understand about my family through all of the artifacts that I found was how close we really are. For example, in the artifact that displays the description about how my grandma Bonnie hand makes afghans for every member in my family when they are a baby, going off to college, and then again when they get married just shows the love and connection that we have together. Or perhaps the vacations that we take as a family to Florida with my dad’s side of the family that soon became a family tradition. It is events and gifts such as these that display the closeness and love that we have for each other. In fact, it is more so the stories that come with these events that are embedded into our heads. The memories.
            Looking back over the generations in my family there have been several trials that members have had to endure. For example, with my dad’s side of the family there have been countless occasions of discrimination because of the Hispanic heritage on that side. As for my mom’s side being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was no easy task for my ancestors especially when the church wasn’t as excepted as it is today. Other trials that were faced would definitely be death. My grandma Bonnie became a widow at a very young age due to the tragic airplane accident that my grandpa Niel and Uncle Michael experienced. These trials were not always rainbows and butterflies, in fact they were filled heartache and countless tears. Although, through the support of other members of the family these individuals survived and pressed on with their lives. For those who suffered from discrimination they either stuck it out or when in a life threatening situation packed their bags and moved west. Either way they stood their ground and stood for what they believed in and represented their ancestors well.
            Based upon the generations that came before me I believe that it will heavily affect my future family as well as generations that follow. For example, the decision to come out west impacts why my family is still here. In other words, the fact that my family came out west will further determine why I stay in the west because all of my family is here. Also I come from families that are larger in numbers and I have always loved the idea of having a big family so that also plays a key role. Another key element that will play a significant role in my future family will be my religion and the standards that I live.
            By looking back in history I have come to better understand why my family is the way that it is. The stories that were made, the traditions that were started, and the people that made courageous decisions all impacted why I am the person that I am today as well as the others around me. It is fascinating to see what makes up a family and why these elements matter so much. A family is a connected inner circle that stands unwavering through the strongest storms. An enduring love that stands through the tests of time. I know that in all things my family is the center of my life.

             

This I Used To Believe Essay

This I Used To Believe: The Life of a Gymnast
            I salute the judges in eager anticipation of the routine I am about to perform. I readjust my grips, inhale sharply, and bound off the board. My hands grip the bar like an eagle clasping a salmon. I kip and bring myself to a standing position on the low bar. I stretch forth my arms and jump to the high bar. Instantly, I kip cast to handstand swing down and do a half turn which is then connected into a shootover (which brings me back down to the low bar) followed by a hect (shooting me back up to the high bar). I inhale casually as I hit the bar knowing I am almost done. Relying on muscle memory I do a kip cast to handstand followed by a full twisting giant. I prep for the dismount with another giant and a rush of endorphins come bellowing through giving me a final kick of energy. Then I let go and propel my body into the air by doing a full twisting double back. I take a little step on the landing, but regain my confidence and salute the judges. Another routine down, I take off my grips and head over to beam to start warming up.
            Gymnastics was my life for a solid ten years. I trained five hours a day and six days a week. At the beginning it wasn’t always this intense. When I first started it was fun, easy, and nobody judged you on whether or not your toes where pointed when you did a cartwheel. The sport was new and all my friends were doing it so it made sense that I continued. My journey through the world of gymnastics definitely changed my personal actions and my motives behind what I do. Looking back now I realize that the skills I demonstrated on a daily basis were astounding. It’s not every day that you see a nine year old girl doing back flips on the balance beam, but that is gymnastics. Parents will usually enroll their children in classes to enhance their development or release extra energy with no intention of committing to the sport. Those that do however, eventually their mindset changes over the years from one of going to the gym to be with friends and goofing around to doing gymnastics to further their education and it becomes an expectation.
            My expedition started on a progressive level. I was six years old and one of my best friends, Whitney Miceli, did gymnastics and I wanted to be just like her so I asked my mom. My mom knew the sport rather well and told me I couldn’t join until I could do one hundred pushups and sit-ups. When I reached my goal my mom enrolled me in classes. Three weeks passed and the coaches advanced me to level 4 (which is the very first level that gymnasts start to compete). Not only was I proud to have my very own uniform, but I was also excited to show off all of the skills that I had learned. Over the years I excelled through the levels and eventually made my way to level 10 (which is college level). My viewpoints of gymnastics did not truly start changing until I was a level 10.
            Each level in gymnastics requires certain skills that must be competed in order to be that specific level. Without a doubt, certain skills take longer to acquire to muscle memory than others. For example, a yurchenko layout full is more difficult to master than a round off or perhaps a back handspring layout step out on the balance beam compared to a front handspring over the vault table. So as the levels increase so do the skills and the amount of training time. In order to excel in gymnastics, I put in a minimum of twenty-five hours a week not including extra weight training and dance classes. This strenuous schedule was difficult to say the least. Even so that I would only attend five of the seven classes I had in middle school and five out of the six in high school so that way I could make it to practice. Due to the missing classes in my schedule I would also take online classes which taught me time management. Although gymnastics was incredibly demanding in this aspect it was important to reach my full potential in the long term.
            Injuries take a toll on any athlete, but gymnasts push their bodies to the limits and then some. For example, over the summer (before my sophomore year in high school) I was training release moves on bars, to be more specific giengers. So, I jump to the high bar from the low bar, kip, cast to handstand, swing down, let go, do a layout (a flip with straight legs) with a half turn, and then catch the bar again. This skill wasn’t always successful though there were many times when my hands would be millimeters away from the bar and I would plummet to the ground sending millions of chalk particles into the air that would rain upon my doubts of ever being able to the catch the bar. However, on one occasion I landed incredibly weird and tweaked my back. I thought it was nothing so I continued to train as usual.
            Now a month went by and there was still pain, but I had to become adapted to it. I accepted it like a present on Christmas morning. In my mind there was no gain without pain. So I considered it normal. Sure my intake of ibuprofen and icing had increased to everyday, but once an athlete reaches a certain level that is expected. Anyways, as the months continued on so did the pain and at this point my mom became rather concerned. She then took me into the doctors where they examined my back with x-rays which confirmed their beliefs. I had several stress fractures in the lumbar section of my spine. They also told me I could no longer continue my training as a gymnast unless I wanted to begin fusing some of the vertebrae, making bending just an intangible idea. My world was crushed. All of the years, the corrections, the stretching, strengthening, tears, sweat, and hard work all gone because of one x-ray of three vertebrae.
            My journey through gymnastics taught me so many things along the way starting from the beginning all the way to the end. One, was to never take anything for granted because you never know how long you will be able to do it. With all of the injuries I endured, whether it was tendonitis in my shoulders or the countless sprains and broken bones my final breaking point was my back and that was one of the hardest things I had to except. The memories of doing those skills each and every day for years is miraculous, but goes to show that no matter the circumstance enjoy every minute because before you know it, it can be all gone. Number two, if you work hard enough and are determined enough goals can be achieved. Making it to nationals wasn’t easy, but my focus and excessive hours of training helped me get to that point. Sure, there were times when my hands were bleeding form the bars, but if I did not push through and hit that last routine than I wouldn’t have improved from the day before. Number three, leadership and responsibility. Gymnastics is both an individual as well as a team sport. Being a leader to those around you is huge especially the example that is set. For example, being on time to practice or doing the correct amount for skills and strength exercises. Doing the little things makes all of the difference.

            Gymnastics consumed every fiber of my being for over ten years of my life until I could no longer do it. When I first started I thought it was fun to be hanging out with friends and running around, but overtime this idea developed and flourished into how gymnastics will benefit my future. At first I thought it was college, but it is so much more than that. It is the life lessons I learned of confidence in myself, the mentality of a leader, the knowledge of hard work, the responsibility to do what is expected and then go the extra mile, and last would be to never take anything for granted. Gymnastics wasn’t just a sport that I did, it was a sport that I excelled at and shaped me into the person that I am today. Sure it wasn’t what I had anticipated when I asked my mom to become a gymnast, but neither are most things we do in life. It’s about the journey.

Group Project

Cellphones and Pre-Adolescent Children

Helping Parents Make More Informed Decisions on Cellphones and their Children

Audience Analysis

Cellphones are everywhere in today’s society.  They are an important tool that can help with communication but also can a downside and cause many distractions with our youth.  Our group is focusing on helping parents understand more about cellphones and the effects they can have on their children. Our target audience in this paper is Kevin and Shauna Schollars. However the information we wish to share with them can apply to all parents who are thinking of giving their children cellphones.

Audience Breakdown

            The Schollars family lives in Boise Idaho; they have four children, Nathan 21, Nicole 18, Alyssa 10, and David 7.  Nathan is on a LDS mission in Canada, Nichole is currently attending Utah State University, Alyssa is a fourth grader at a private school known as Challenger, and David, the youngest, also attends this same school. We picked the Schollars because they have led privileged lives.   They have the have the best of both worlds. They have children who have had cell phones and they (Schollars parents) are also experienced cell phone users.  But also some of their children have not yet had cell phones, meaning that they are still impressionable with opportunity to inform them on this subject. The Schollars Parents understand that there are certain risks that are involved with giving cellphones to their children. As a result they have certain guidelines for their children on concerning cellphone usage. For example they will be restricted to use their cell phones only at certain times. We share the same assumptions that the Schollars do, that although cellphones have many positive aspects such as safety, learning responsibility, and staying connected, they also have many negative aspects. Some of the major drawbacks of cellphones could include but are not limited to: sexting, cyberbullying, and major distractions in school. This is why, like the Schollars, we make assumptions that certain limitations need to be placed on cell phones to help keep the children safe. However, the Schollars Parents are more experienced when parenting than we are and one of the problems we may face is sharing relevant information about cell phone use with them. For this reason the information we present to them and needs to be exact, accurate and it needs to apply specifically to their particular needs at this time. Both Kevin and Shauna Schollars as parents are both well educated with higher degrees.  Kevin Schollars has a Masters degree in business and Shauna has an associate in nursing. Because of their education we will need to be formal and use credible sources that will be a significant resource to them. Also because Mr. Schollars is a business major we will need to address his concerns concisely, efficiently, and in a straightforward manner with our research and information.  
Also as specified above, our audience will not just be just the Schollars Parents but all parents who are contemplating giving their children cellphones. Due to the fact that there may be a wide range of educational differences we will need to use simple yet educated language in our presentations.  Ultimately the choice on when to give a cellphone will lie solely with the parents, and we will need to become very well informed on the subject to avoid them not listening to us because of our lack of knowledge.

Audience Attitudes

The Schollars Parents and those parents like them may be willing to listen to us because we are a generation raised with technology and have had general experience with cell phones and their use. So although we may not be experts on the topic we have some prior knowledge on the use of cell phones, which would make us intermediately knowledgeable.  Also the Schollars parents have children our age so they may be willing to listen to what we have to say. Parents of children who do not have cell phones may listen to what we have to say if we are up front about not being experts on the topic, as well as sharing relevant personal experience and credible research. For those parents who have already decided, based on previous experience with cell phones, at what age they are going to give their kids cell phones, it may seem like the different points of view we have to offer are insignificant and irrelevant.  But that is why we will bring new information to the table that will help the Schollars parents, as well as those like them, understand more about this subject. We realize that because we are not as educated as those we are addressing we will be using different articles, study journals, personal interviews, all these different resources in order to inform our audience. Recognizing that we do not have a lot of experience with the subject at hand we may not be as credible as we would like. Therefore we will be using sources from those who are experienced. We will be using personal experiences of other parents, different studies from known institutions (ex. universities, research facilities, child development institutions, credible doctors, researchers, psychologists, etc.) along with different statistical analysis.  This will overcome our lack of knowledge and experience.  
Another item that may arise is where we stand on the ladder of authority with our target audiences. The Schollars are definitely higher on the authority ladder, as they are educated parents and hold ultimate authority that comes to issues involving their children.  Nevertheless there are others in our secondary audience that could very well our equal or below us. For example parents who are younger than us, or parents who are around the same age as us.
Due to the fact that our approach will be unbiased and supported by evidence, the audience should be relatively receptive to what we have to say. We will not try to lecture them; we are attempting to be informative.  As stated above we will not just stating our own opinions what is best for thier children and family but we will be using sources from credible researches, doctors, and well informed sources from higher education that really understand this topic. These credible resources will be people with specialty interest in these fields of study. We will offer such information as what is the best age to give a child a cellphone, some effects that cellphones can have on the pre-adolescent, and that certain cell phones that may be more suitable for younger ages and also guidelines that could be instituted in order to keep children safe.  All our information will be aimed at helping the Schollars Parents as well as all parents make a more informed decision about cellphones and their children.
Executive Summary

History of Cell Phones

            When the cell phone was first invented, in 1973, it was roughly the size of a brick and had little capacity beyond calling other people. The phone was unavailable for the general public until the year 1983.  The phones name is the Motorola DynaTAC 8000X.  The phone was readily available only in the sales and business world (Maples).  These phones allowed many people to talk with other people at any convenient moment.  Martin Cooper, the creator of the first Motorola phone explained that "people want to talk to other people - not a house, or an office, or a car. ...people will demand the freedom to communicate wherever they are ..." (Maples).  As the advancement in technology increased so did the efficiency of the cell phone with size, user friendliness, and accessibility. We came to today’s modern smartphone when the original smartphone was invented in 1993. Later, came the development of the cellphone camera, the blackberry integrated phone, then the IPhone which branched into the variants that exist today (5 Major Moments). The enticing new features that were created with each new phone provided a new level of productivity and use, but also created more potential problems.

Benefits:

            Parents have many reasons to provide their children with cell phones.  Amanda Young, a senior at Utah State University studying Finance explained that she received a phone to allow her parents much easier communication between her and her mother.  She described that she would call her parents when she would have to stay at school for extracurricular activities like choir and theater (Young).  Quick communication with children appeals greatly to many parents.  Another appealing feature of a cell phone is the GPS built into each phone.  This GPS allows a parent to know the location of their child at any given moment. 
            The benefits are not only helpful for a parent to communicate with their child, but also for the children.  With the development of smartphones, children gained access to the greatest library for research, the internet.  Through the development of applications, a child can also carry many books and text in one small device.   

Problem: Tool to Cause Harm to Self and Others

            Phones have become great tools in this day and age, but with the rise to these tools, an increase in risks and problems have arisen.  These problems include poor social skills, behavior problems in school, technology addictions, cheating, sexting, and cyber-bullying.  In schools the use of cell phones can cause a distraction to students as well as the teacher. Through various studies, cell phone use has been shown to factor lower grade point averages of students (Frequent Cell Phone Use).  A child can have their feelings hurt so easily through cyber-bullying, intentional or not.  As applications have been developed to allow children to access many texts and useful information, many games and other distracting applications have been developed.  Each of these distractions can easily take a child’s attention away from more important requirements of their time.
            Cellphones can cause many problems in many different places.  As mentioned before, the classroom is dominated with the problems of cellphone abuse.  However, there are many other places where a phone is just as big of a distraction.  Cellphones, when used in a group setting, can cause many children to develop the aforementioned bad social skills.  Many times, stories are told of two or more teenage youth texting each other while sitting next to each other.  Another growing problem with cellphones and children is the effects of cyberbullying. Smart Phones provide easier access to social media. In this day and age, social media connects everybody to where negative interactions with people in person translate into negative interactions over social media. It evolved from bullying in the classroom to cyberbullying everywhere.
Project Proposal
 “Everybody in O'Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you."(Pokin) These were the words posted on 13-year-old Megan Meier’s my-space wall just before she committed suicide by hanging herself in her closet. Megan fell victim to cyber bullying, which can take place not only on the internet, but on cell phones through text messaging, social networks, phone calls, and sexting. Unfortunately, this is not the only problem for adolescents that may stem from cell phones.
Cell phones can act as a distraction and a cheating device in school, inhibit development of certain social skills, and become an addiction. However, the results of adolescents having cell phones are not always negative. A cell phone may act as a means of communication for parents to make sure their kids are safe. Cell phones also allow kids to stay socially connected with friends.
Parents have tried to reduce adverse effects of cell phones on their children in a variety of ways. By limiting the amount of texts children may send a month, as well as monitoring the texts sent, parents can be more aware of the ways children use their phones and prohibit inappropriate use. In an article written by family physician, Dr. Sax, he quotes Sherriff Judd in The Wall Street Journal who shared an account of parents who, after learning that their daughter was involved with sexting, put a monitor on her phone that allowed them to view all of her pictures (Sax). Some parents who choose to give their child a smart phone monitor which websites the child may visit. We interviewed a girl by the name of Amanda who received a cell phone at the age of 15 and said her family even set times of the day such as school and night time where cell phone use is simply not allowed (Young). So, how can parents ensure that children avoid consistently the risks that come with owning a cell phone but still receive fully the benefits? What limits should be set on how and when a child uses a cell phone? Parents can help reduce the negative impact a cell phone can have on their children by setting guidelines for their children’s cell phone use based on studies on the effects of cell phones as well as what they know about the specific child. For instance, in some families there is only one parent and the kids are home alone a lot so a cell phone may be necessary for safety purposes, where as in another family the kids could have a stay home parent and it may not be necessary.
We propose that before deciding when and how to make cell phones accessible to children, parents study the positive and negative effects of cell phones because cell phones can seriously influence a child’s development. Specifically it is important for parents to consider at what age they plan to allow the child a cell phone. “Gary Small, a professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and co-author of iBrain” says “ there’s a huge developmental leap between fourth and eighth grades… our brains evolved to communicate face to face. A lot of this is lost with texting” (Rochman). Parents may also want to consider what their child is allowed to do on their phone, such as: who children are permitted to communicate with, what applications they may download, and what Internet sources they can use. And last, parents, like mentioned previously, may even consider setting a time limit for how long and when a cell phone may be used.

Children’s Development

Due to the fact that cell phones can both harm the development of children as well as be significantly constructive to a child’s development, it is imperative that parents come to fact-based opinions on the conditions of their adolescent’s cell phone use. Some toxic influences that cell phones can enable consist of the child being exposed to cyber bullying, sexting, addiction to the phone itself, deterioration of social skills, and distraction in school. According to a study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, “26% of teens have been harassed through their mobile phone either by calls or text messages.” (Thomas) A child who is bullied often experiences extreme lack of self-confidence during a period of time where that child is developing into the person they will become. As recounted by a recent article from the Brigham Young University Education and Law Journal, one girl, who was a sophomore in high school, sent a nude picture of herself to her senior boyfriend who then proceeded to show it to his friends in class (Mayers and Desidiero). This goes to show that the individual sending the sext won’t be exposed to just one person. In fact, there is no limit. Addiction to technology is a struggle that many individuals face. The natural tendency to pull out a cell phone and check a social media site because everyone else is preoccupied with his or her cell phone is a common occurrence. Dr. Lisabeth Saunders Medlock, PhD, CLC from South University displayed the idea that people are so addicted to their cell phones that they form a habit of checking their devices on a consistent basis of five minutes in fear of missing out on a new update (Jerpi). This preoccupation with the phone leads to the idea of depleting social skills across the spectrum of phone users. It is easier for people to get caught up in the act of constantly using their cell phones for entertainment rather than interacting with the people around them. From personal experience as a teenager, Maria Sorensen has hung out with a group of people where friends that were a mere two feet away from each other were having a deep conversation through texting rather than talking face to face. Cell phones can cause a major disturbance to the learning environment of a class. According to Common-Sense Media, a study done in 2010 reported that “one-third of high school students admitted using cell phones to cheat.” (Thomas and McGee) How are kids supposed to learn what they need to from class if they are finding information off their phones instead of learning it?

Positive Aspects of Cellphones

On the other hand, cell phones provide safety to individuals, a means for communication, and an advanced learning tool. Parents in general find it reassuring to have immediate knowledge of where their child is at through the push of a button. Having the ability to know this can be beneficial to families who have parents that work and so cannot be with their kids all day, or for kids who have a busy after school schedule and need to be able to communicate with their family. USA Today Magazine took a poll in 1993 that found that 91% of Americans felt safer having a cell phone (USA Today Magazine). Like mentioned before each child is different and so in some circumstances it may be necessary for an adolescent to have a phone for safety reasons. Todd Starkweather, the director of the general studies program at South University Richmond said, “it helped him to stay more connected to family and friends than he was in the past. He remembers the days before mobile phones when it wouldn’t seem like a long time to go eight hours not hearing from close friends or family members.” This goes to show that staying connected with the people in our lives has become easier than ever. Due to the fact that talking often with the people we know over the phone has become such an integral part of our society, it could even be detrimental to a person to not have a cell phone. A majority of their friends will likely have one and in order to stay up to speed on what their friends are doing a cell phone may be necessary. A final perk of owning a cell phone is the learning opportunity it provides. “ Students have reported that cell phones allow them to multitask by giving them the ability to access course material, conduct research via the Internet, and communicate with peers and teachers in what would otherwise be dead time” (Thomas and McGee). Overall, a cell phone may contribute to communication for safety purposes; help a child develop friendships as well as aid an adolescent’s learning.
What we suggest fervently is that parents ought to set specific guidelines for the terms on which their children have cell phones, because while phones can influence a child for the better, they can also harm a child’s development. Some people, however, may feel that the strict monitoring of cell phone use inhibits children from learning to have independence and exercising personal judgment. This is a valid point. We would not want for children to blindly follow their parent’s judgment and not know of the risks that they can run in to with improper use of their cell phones. It is important for children to learn to use proper judgment. However, if parents explained to their children why they had the rules they did about cell phone use, children could then use their agency to either keep to those rules or not. Learning to be independent not only means making decisions for one’s self, but also learning to keep to certain rules of society, and kids could learn the importance of having guidelines that they must follow when using their cellphones.
Regarding decisions made about children and cell phones, what exactly is at stake? Ultimately, it is the development of that child. At first reading, this may seem extreme, but the cell phone has evolved in to a prevalent member of society’s family, and like any family member the cell phone may dramatically impact your child. We implore that you, as parents, take an active role in your child’s development and sincerely contemplate your adolescent’s individual circumstances when deciding the rules surrounding the use of the cell phone.
Works Cited
"5 Major Moments in Cellphone History." CBCnews. CBC/Radio Canada, 03 Apr. 2013. Web. 23 Feb. 2014.
 “Cell Phones Aid Road Safety.” USA Today Magazine Jan 1994: pg 9+. Print.
"Frequent Cell Phone Use Linked to Higher Anxiety and Lower GPA, Says New Study." PROS AND CONS. Procon.org, 30 Jan. 2014. Web. 3 Feb. 2014.
Jerpi, Laura. “Mobile Phones and Society- How Being Constantly Constantly Connected Impacts Our Lives.” South Source A Publication of South University June 2013, 29 ed.: Al+. Web. 21 Feb. 2014.
Maples, Gareth. "The History of Cell Phones – A Vision Realized." TheHistoryOf.net. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Feb. 2014.
Mayers, R. Stewart, and Desiderio, Mike F. “NOT LOL: LEGAL ISSUES ENCOUNTERED DURING ONE HIGH SCHOOL”S RESPONSE TO SEXTING.” Brigham Young University Education & Law Journal 1 (2013): 1-19. Print
Pokin, Steve. “Megan Meier Foundation. Megan Meier Foundation, 13 Nov. 2007. Web. 22 Feb. 2014.
Rochman, Bonnie. “Too Young to Text.” American Academy of Pediatrics 180.9 (2012): 48-49. Print.
Sax, Leonard. “Blame Parents, Not Kids, for Sexting. “ Wall Street Journal 25 Oct. 2013 [New York, New York] , eastern ed.: A15. Print.
Thomas, Kevin, and McGee, Christy. “The Only Thing We Have to Fear is.120 Characters.” TechTrends: Linking Research & Practice to Improve Learning 56.1 (2012): 19-33. Print.

Young, Amanda. Personal interview. 18 Feb. 2014.

Persuasive Research Essay

Divorce…Is it the Only Option?
Slam. A whooshing of a door hits the frame of the doorway and vibrates through the whole house. Once again Mom and Dad are fighting about another issue. There is contention in the air and it ripples through each member of the family. Two children huddle close together on the top bunk bed with blankets all around and tears streaming down their faces. The thrilling shrieks lurch from Mom’s mouth as she endures another blow to her body. She drops to the floor and with the little energy she has left makes her way to her feet. She opens the door and projects her body down the stairs and into the children's room. The children are told to hurry and get into the car. Without further adieu the children sprint out the door and leap into the car. Within seconds they speed out the driveway. One of the children turns to look back and there standing in the doorway is Dad. His eyes wreaked with the emotions of rage and fear. Almost longing to be in the passenger seat of that 1996 Honda accord. Scenarios such as this one can be classified as physical abuse and highly factor into the decision to carry out a divorce.  
 Divorce is rather prevalent and accepted among the majority of our society today. Go back about one hundred years and it was frowned upon to say the least. Some individuals would become shunned or even disowned from their own flesh and blood. It is a topic that is taken so lightly. An everyday thought that is so accepted. Something to almost look forward to. An idea that racks the minds of thousands if they are not satisfied with their marriage. A back up plan.
Individuals interested in a divorce should seek out alternative options when struggling in a marriage rather than turning to a divorce because the individuals in the relationship may not always factor in all of the consequences. Divorce is not always the solution to every problem in a marriage. For example, the ideas of couple’s therapy, separation for a period of time, or changing your mindset can honestly allow the mind to think out the full perspective of the situation.
 The topic of divorce incorporates the idea of family because we no longer live in a world with the classic mother and father, two children, and a dog in a suburban house. In fact, this idea of what the ideal family is, is so far-fetched from the minds of society that it is no longer realistic. Divorce is on the incline and it is not only impacting those getting the divorce, but also the future generations that they are raising. Doctor Michelle Moon who is the Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University conducted a study on divorce titled The Effects of Divorce on Children: Married and Divorced Parents’ Perspectives. This study discussed the impact that marriage and divorce has on future generations. She said, “The findings support the hypothesis that the self-interests and personal experiences associated with marital status influence perceptions of the effects of divorce on children. Regardless of gender, a parents’ marital or divorce history will influence their ratings of the impact of divorce on children” (Moon). This knowledge that Dr. Moon expresses in the article further points out how divorce is a decision that should be thoroughly thought through because not only will the choice affect the members of the family, but it can also cause future divorces to occur for the children.
When taking into the perspective of a child and the effects that a divorce can have on them a man by the name of Dallin H. Oaks who was a former professor of law at the University of Chicago Law School and former justice in the Utah Supreme Court discusses this matter. Oaks says,
“The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce. Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce-especially where there are children-generates new conflicts.
Think first of the children. Because divorce separates the interests of children from the interests of their parents, children are its first victims. Scholars of family life tell us that the most important cause of the current decline in the well-being of children is the current weakening of marriage, because family instability decreases parental investment in children. We know that children raised in a single-parent home after divorce have a much higher risk for drug and alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, poor school performance, and various kinds of victimization” (Oaks 2012).
This enlightening account of information expresses the effects of divorce and how individuals considering divorce who may or may not have children should factor in the ideas that divorce is hard. Divorce not only affects the mental and physical aspects of the spouses, but if there are children the choice can also determine their upbringing and knowing what is wrong and right Overall Oaks’ words further support the idea that a divorce may not be the right option for certain couples because of the recovery time as well as the long-term impacts on other individuals.
 As the rate of divorce continues to increase so does the rate of single parents trying to raise their children and support them while laboring in a full time job. Kevin Myers a man from Portland, Oregon wrote a This i Believe essay title The Necessity of Compassion that addresses the trials he faced as a boy. At the age of six his parents divorced because of the abusive relationship that his mother and siblings endured by his father. His mother was rebuked by the Catholic Church which she attended due to her decision to have a divorce. Whereas his father was shown mercy through his social connections in the church and a cheek was turned when it came to the decisions that he had made. After the divorce Meyers goes onto explain that his mother couldn't find work so they had to go down to the welfare office. On one occasion they were standing on the street corner waiting for the office to open when a truck drove by ignorantly shouting “get a job!” This comment filled Meyers with rage, but due to his beloved mother’s example he turned the other cheek. Through all the challenges Myers faced as a child he does reflect on the example of his mother and says, “When I look back at that time, I marvel at how my mother got us through an energy crisis, a recession, and resisted the pressure to stay in a harmful marriage. Her determination was manifest in her working long hours, weekends, and holidays, but the benefit of her compassion is far more subtle” (Meyers). This story demonstrates the hard times that Meyers and his family had to endure through due to the actions of a divorce. Although the relationship was abusive and the divorce was justifiable the heartache and pain that occurs after the fact is still prevalent. Just as Meyers felt the impact of a single parent home countless others do and this number is on the rise. Previous Professor of the University of Chicago Law School, Dallin H. Oaks, continues on the idea of children and role of divorce has played in their lives.
“A Harvard law professor describes the current law and attitude toward marriage and divorce: ‘The [current] American story about marriage, as told in the law and in much popular literature, goes something like this: marriage is a relationship that exists primarily for the fulfillment of the individual spouses. If it ceases to perform this function, no one is to blame and either spouse may terminate it at will. … Children hardly appear in the story; at most they are rather shadowy characters in the background’” (Oaks 2007).
The words which Oaks proclaims about the ideals within a marriage and how the mindset has completely altered is astonishing to say the least, but is rather correct. Children are not always put as the priority in relationships. In fact, more often the child is the victim that endures whatever may come. Overall divorce not only affects the spouses and it is tragic to see that divorce continues to occur.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention lists the national rates in the United States for marriages and divorces. In 2000 accounting for a total of 44 states out of a population of 233,550,143 about 944,000 people had a divorce or an annulment (CDC). This spiking number continues to increase and affects not only the data, but the individual people carrying out these actions. To further decrease these rates there needs to be some enlightening on the matter of alternative options rather than settling with divorce as the only option.
The decision of divorce is a continuous battle that under the correct circumstance should be made. For example, when the relationship becomes abusive and causes harm not only to the other spouse, but also to the children. When a spouse has an addiction, commits a crime, or cheats in a manner that severely impacts or causes harm the other spouse in a negative manner. Another interesting point would also be if a spouse in the relationship had a mental disorder that harmed others in the relationship. I interviewed a woman by the name of Bonnie Brown who experienced a marriage quite like this one. She spoke saying, “I didn’t realize the man I had married.” Brown had been previously married before, but her belated husband passed away in a fatal plane accident. Brown continued to say that she got back out into the dating world and met a man she thought was the one. However, when they did get married she said that he had changed and became very manipulating and spoke harshly not only to her, but also to her eight year old son. She later came to find out that this man she thought she knew suffered from various mental disorders that caused him to be abusive. Brown further explained that this man she had married could have prevented this through medication, but would no longer take them. So two months after they were married she divorced the man for not only the safety of her child, but also for herself (Brown). This further explains the idea that in some situations divorce should be encouraged, but those individuals that are just “tired” of their companion should rethink their options.
When it comes to alternative ways to stay with a spouse a TED talk performed in November of 2011 known as What You Don’t Know About Marriage by Jenna McCarthy focused on the benefits of marriage and how to stay in a blissful state. McCarthy is the author of “The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs,” “Potties and Cheers to the New Mom/Cheers to the New Dad,” as well as various other books. So in other words McCarthy has had a long career writing about relationships, marriage, and parenting. McCarthy explained that when an individual in the relationship continually focuses on the negative then of course that attraction to the other person will diminish. For example, she expanded on the idea of weight by saying how sometimes we notice that our spouse might be gaining more weight and we tend to knit pick at the idea instead of considering the fact that he or she is making you look thinner and leaner. In other words focus on the positive in situations. Her ideas also included finding hobbies that both of the spouses enjoyed and do them together. If these helpful tools aren't helping she later elaborated on the importance of couples’ therapy. It is important to discuss the emotions that come into each member of the relationships mind because if there is a lack of communication that is when everything turns upside down. Although many of the methods that McCarthy recommended were rather out there she definitely confided mostly in therapy because the rates of marriages that are struggling that take therapy sessions are more likely to stick through the hard times (McCarthy). Overall the words of McCarthy really spoke strongly on the connection between the people in the relationship and how if that connection is dwindling then action needs to be taken in a manner of doing more activities together as a couple, seeking out counseling, complimenting or staying more positive, and most important there must be effort from both sides otherwise there truly will be no progress.
A woman by the name of Shauna Soria spoke concerning her experiences with her divorce and the therapy she took. Shauna was married for approximately five years when one evening she received a phone call on her land line from a woman wanting to speak to her husband. This call mind you was around eleven forty-five at night which caused her a little concern. She handed the phone to her husband and then listened on the other line. Shauna soon found out that her husband had been cheating on her. When the phone finally clicked off the line she had no hesitation in confronting her husband. Fear spilled across his face in utter disbelief that she had just heard the conversation. This event marked their first step into realizing that there was a need for some counseling. However when they first started their sessions Shauna explained that her husband had no desire to put forth any effort. By the time she was at her wits end which was about a year after they had started their sessions Shauna’s husband told her that he no longer loved her and didn’t want to be with her. This heart wrenching discussion caused great contention in her heart. But after great pondering Shauna came to realize that marriage is a two way street. One person cannot make a marriage work there has to be equal effort being displayed by both sides (Soria). This example further demonstrates the idea that even though Shauna ended up getting a divorce she sought out other options before coming to her final decision.
Divorce is a choice that is often taken for granted on a daily basis. Thousands upon thousands of people make the decision to become legally separated from the person they promised to be with forever. It is a matter that not only affects spouses, but also other family members including children which can lead them down to pathways that their parents will regret. Overall those thinking or considering a divorce should first consider the pros and cons of the situation. From the list of pros and cons take actions including change your mind set to one of a more positive outlook, go on more dates and figure out what you like to do together as a couple, or couples’ therapy. These alternative ways may not fully fix the issues at hand, but consider different methods before seeking out divorce because divorce may not be the solution to the problem in your marriage.
                                                         Works Cited
Brown, Bonnie M. Personal interview. 31 Mar. 2014.
McCarthy, Jenna. "What You Don't Know About Marriage." TED Talks. San Francisco. Nov. 2011. Address.
Moon, Michelle. "The Effects of Divorce on Children: Married and Divorced Parents' Perspectives." Journal of Divorce & Remarriage 52.5 (2011): 344-49. Print.
Myers, Kevin. "The Necessity of Compassion." This i Believe (2013). Print.
"National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. CDC/ National Center for Health Statistics, 19 Feb. 2013. Web. 3 Apr. 2014.
Oaks, Dallin H. "Protect the Children." The Ensign (2012). Print.
Oaks, Dallin H. "Divorce." The Ensign (2007). Print.
Soria, Shauna M. Personal interview. 31 Mar. 2014.